Trail Journal Entry 7

I have been having a hard time understanding this PK stuff everyone keeps talking about. It sounds like it is when someone can move things with their minds or make things happen. I need someone who can explain it to me in layman terms. I have often wondered if some of the things that have happened are just me knowing what was going to happen or did I somehow cause it to happen. I have different terms and words for some of the things I have experienced over the years, only because I never knew what the correct terms were so I made up my own that made sense to me.

When I was probably around 7-8 years old, we were going on a trip in the winter to visit family of my Mothers. It was snowing hard; I remember the big flakes hitting the windshield of the car in the dark. I was in the front passenger seat, my sister was probably about 2-3 years old and she was in the back seat of the car, my Mother was driving. My parents divorced when I was 7 years old so my dad wasn’t there.

The car was quiet except for the radio playing and I knew my Mother was stressed and wanted to get to where we were going. I am sitting there watching the road ahead and all of a sudden, I blurt out, Pop! Your tire popped Mom! I didn’t see her arm coming fast enough, she connected across my head and was yelling at me and asking me what the hell was wrong with me. Of course, I am squished as close to the passenger side door as I could get and crying because she hit me. Still driving down the road, only a few minutes later, the front tire on the car went bang. The tire blew and it was at night in the winter, the roads were bad and she was mad. My Mother managed to get the car under control and pulled over to the side. She started hitting me and yelling at me to stop doing those things to her, she was so mad. I just covered me head and cried, telling her I was sorry and that I tried to tell her. She said if I didn’t stop doing things like that, people were going to come take me away and lock me up. The problem was I couldn’t help it, I didn’t know how.

I was about 12-13 years old and at my Dads girlfriends’ new place helping her unpack. At age 11, I had hitch hiked to my Dads parents place (my grandparents), I couldn’t stand being with her anymore and she said they could keep me. So, we are in the kitchen talking and I look over at a set of shelves she had up and had knickknacks on. I pointed at it and told her it was going to fall and I walked into the living room to unpack boxes. Next thing I hear is a crash and the sound of glass breaking. I run back around the corner and here is the shelving on the floor and broken glass everywhere. She told me not to come any closer because of all the glass and she asks me, how did you do that, how did you know it was going to fall? I didn’t know I told her but I apologized because I didn’t mean to do it.

I don’t know if I am causing things like this to happen all my life or am I just seeing what’s coming? All I know is my Mother repeatedly said I was doing it, I was the one causing things to happen. Been apologizing most of my life because of that. With my husband and kids, I enjoy saying I told you so, often and I am always complaining no one listens to me. If they would just listen to me.

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